Pressed by “lawmakers” in Congress to actually show up for work this week and do something constructive for the country he loved enough to utterly destroy, Still President George W. Bush announced today that he has solved the nation’s financial problems by selling an entire state to Miley “I Want Utah Next” Cyrus, the precocious ‘tween superstar and Wholly-Owned Subsidiary of Chinese Exporters, Ltd. “I think this is a fantastical solution to our insolvingtude,” President Bush told the few White House reporters left that still give two shits what he has to say. “Ms. Cyrus can afford it, ain’t nobody living there anyhow, so starting tomorrow everyone should call that state by its new official name, ‘Hannah Montana’.”

Hannah Montana, which borders Idaho to the west and thus immediately imbues every last Montanan with explicit Potato Policy knowledge, as well as the Foreign Policy experience picked up from sharing a northern border with an increasingly hostile Canada, should begin attracting more foreign and domestic tourism now that Ms. Cyrus is the state’s sole proprietor. “I have big plans for this place,” the pop star told us by phone. “I’m giving all our electoral votes to Obama because John McCain flip-flops more than a catfish in a moon bouncer.*”

Ms. Cyrus spoke for another twenty minutes but we lost track after something about “sweet niblets.” Also, Drake & Josh is on.

* We have no idea what this means, but our six year-old mascot thinks it’s hysterical.